Panic Button

As I have mentioned I suffer from panic disorder. They come upon me fast and lately I have had them when I wake up every morning. People ultimately ask me what the catalyst is for the panic. Was I afraid of something, did something happen just before the attack or was I in a stressful situation? My answer is always that nothing triggered the panic. When the attack begins I am usually feeling calm and peaceful. If I knew the cause of the onset I would develop a coping mechanism. I have pondered the cause for years and I am still unsure of the catalyst. I do, however, know the exact reason for the feelings to escalate.

I have an overwhelming, irrational fear of dying. When the attack begins the symptoms mimic physical distress. My heart races, my breathing seems shallow and I usually have some type of pain. My incoherent brain is convinced that I am suffering a heart attack or maybe even a stroke, depending on the location of the pain. I try my damnedest to rationalize my thought and reassure my crazy head that it is just a panic attack. At times I am able to allay the fears and calm myself down. Other times I find another outlet to deter my thoughts. Then there are those times when I make a complete idiot of myself. Those are the times that I am left embarrassed and ashamed. How do you explain the circumstances surrounding these attacks? How do you tell people that you are afraid to die, especially when there is absolutely no physical ailment? Do you think this makes me crazy? Because going crazy is yet another fear I have when I am having a panic attack. Perhaps the catalyst to my panic attacks is ME!!