My Melt Down!!

I may have made a brief reference in an earlier post that I suffer from panic disorder. About fifteen years ago I was having three to four attacks a day. Since then I have learned to control them, most of the time. The rest of the time I, unfortunately, allow them to control me. Yesterday was a perfect example of losing control. Alarmingly, I was at work when it happened. I also suffer from migraine headaches every once in a while. If you have ever had one you may know that some people have what are called auras before the headache.

It began yesterday morning when I was having trouble focusing on my work. I knew that the aura was soon to follow. Just realizing that I would soon become practically blind my mind began to race. I started to panic because I knew that I would lose my eyesight. I absolutely despise this feeling. My brain does not rationalize that this symptom will disappear in time. I always imagine the most terrible scenarios; I will have a stroke or a heart attack or become blind. When in actuality I will simply have a horrific headache.

So there I am at work with my mind racing but trying to remain calm. I work for a health and wellness company and have medical personnel at my disposal. I went to one of our nurse practitioners and requested that she take my blood pressure. Since I am also diabetic her first question was about my blood sugar levels. I knew that my levels were fine. She took my blood pressure and it was normal. This fact failed to reassure me. She also told me that the aura was normal for the onset of a migraine. Still this did not calm my fears. Picture if you will, there I am lying on the floor in her tiny cubicle for all to see. She was holding my hand and instructing me to breathe. I tried my damnedest to not freak out. I was so embarrassed that I wanted to run out of the office, hop in my car and speed away. Unfortunately, this was not an option since I basically could not see. Luckily a coworker was able to take me to an urgent care.

At the urgent care they gave me a shot of Demerol and Phenergan to relieve the pain and nausea. Now I am really not one to take any medication, except for my diabetes. I was given the shots and started freaking out because I did not like the feeling at all. I felt so out of control with these drugs in my system. My poor coworker, who stayed with me the whole time, had to witness my total melt down. I am sure now she knows what other people know. I am a complete freaking nut!! I am so glad that everyone at work probably think that I have become totally unhinged. Welcome to my Crazy World!