Give the Lady Anything She Wants...

I am the ultimate consumer. I love to buy, but am not really all that crazy about shopping or spending much money. I adore finding a bargain. I rarely ever purchase anything at full price and proudly announce the cost of any new find. I believe that I inherited this from my late Grandpa Pat. He also loved to find a good bargain and letting everyone know how much he paid for it. My family and coworkers usually have a good little chuckle over my finds. I think they enjoy hearing my tales of the “art of the deal.”

Whenever I receive excellent service or find a worthy product I am the first one to heap praise on the product or service. If I am not pleased with either I am, however, the first to voice my opinion. I will express my desire to receive some type of compensation for the defective product, rude service or ineptitude of an employee. I have received many free items for my opinions, ranging from a free laptop to replace the one I dropped and broke, free meals at local restaurants, to discounts at hotels, repair shops and stores. It is amazing the gifts a harried manager will bestow upon me just to get me to shut up and leave them alone. If I am not satisfied with the first offer I simply find an upper management member willing to provide me with a better offer. The trick is to find that one person too busy with more important matters than an irate women that refuses to take no for an answer. I never yell, curse or threaten anyone with bodily harm. The whole trick is persistence. Or should I say nagging, a trait I inherited from my mother.

As I walk on stage to accept my award for “Cheapest Bitch Alive,” I wish to thank my mom and grandpa for the lessons they have taught me. I must cut my speech short. The award statue is a bit tarnished so I need to call the manufacturer! I guarantee I will get a better statue!